Exposing the Lies

I have a lot of chatter in my head - you know that chatter, the kind that follows you everywhere you go? Sometimes it's a consultant, one person in your head, sometimes it feels like there's an entire committee.

Everywhere I go they're there - telling me I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not smart enough, that given my background I could never have a million dollar lifestyle. It's just chatter, chatter, chatter... and so again I created this exercise for me. A lot of my exercises came out of saving Lisa and then when it works. I figure, “Well, if it could work for me then it might be able to work for a million people.”

This is called “Exposing the Lies” - I named it that because I understand that the chatter is a lie. And when we buy into, only then does it become our truth.

Start by getting a pen and paper - a lot of paper because the more successful you are, the more there is to judge and the more chatter you have. I've done these with PhD's. I've done this with congress people. The more successful you are the more chatter you get.

People who are not producing a lot in the world, they don't have a lot of chatter because they're okay with where they are. People who are producing a lot in the world, they have more categories to judge.

Separate the paper into four categories. You want to look at health and wellness, finance and business, relationships (Love and Family) and spirituality and faith. Understand that you will be doing this exercise for each one of these categories.

This is a process I went through after I “completed” a relationship (I choose not say we “broke up”) - and I was devastated. So I pulled out my book that contains this exercise. At the time I was on a plane – this is funny stuff – I'm on a plane and I'm reading the book and I'm doing this exercise “Expose the Lies” I'm about to give you.

This woman who was sitting close to me looks back and says, “Oh!” Now, I got my hair in a head wrap. I mean it was cute, the head wrap, I wasn't totally amazingly ugly on the plane but it was an overnight flight. I had my hair wrapped up. I had to be on television the next morning. I was in my internal self. I was healing. I was giving myself what I needed and I had a lot of chatter going on. “Why did it not work? Am I going to always be single? Why am I not marriage material?” Just junk lies.

So I'm doing this expose of lies and it's not fun. The first part, it's not fun. This is a heavy lift right here. You're going to get a breakthrough when you do this, but you have to get through it. This woman, while I'm writing she says, “Oh my God! I love Lisa Nichols.” Not knowing that it was me. I didn't have my afro out. “I love Lisa Nichols. I love her in The Secret. Oh my God, is that her new book?” I just nodded because I realize she didn't recognize me and I didn't really want to be recognized at that moment. She then says, “Oh my God, it's her new book.” and she goes, “Can I see your book?” And I said, “No.” I said “Right now, I need it.”

I knew that I needed it to stay in the work. I didn't need to become the teacher. I didn't need to become the celebrity. I needed to heal the woman. And that's what I mean by “no” as a complete sentence. I said, “No. I'm doing some critical work right now in it.” She said “Oh, okay.” And I went on to do the work.

This is what the exercise looks like: you either get a blue or black pen or a pencil (and actually I'm beginning to really like the pencil) along with a red pen. Gather 7-10 pieces of paper (or a notepad) and start writing in the blue or black pen the lie you tell yourself, “I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'll never be successful.” Then, you skip four lines and write the next line making sure to stay on one category.

So let's say this is finances, “I'm always going to struggle in business. I'll never get business right.” You just skip four lines, you go down and you write again. “You know my colleagues are better than me and I feel like I'm a fake,” skip four lines and write the next thing.

Then think about your health, “I'm going to die on a diet. I'm going to be in a casket with a Nutragrain bar, I'm going to die. I'll never be sexy.” Complete the health category and then go into love and relationships, “I'll never get married,” skip four lines, “I'm not good enough to be a wife. I'm just girl friend material,” skip four lines, “My husband will never treat me right. He will always cheat on me,” skip four lines. Simply write the lies, skip four lines, write the lies, don't try to do anything with the lie first, just keep dumping, dumping, dumping.

You don't have to keep them category specific for everyone who is all organized, just let it run out. The separation of the categories is so you can address every area in your life and not forget something. You may fill up six pages. I've had clients fill up 16 pages and the more you fill up the better - so don't be embarrassed.

I have a client that said, “I'm so embarrassed. I got 19 pages.” I said, “Congratulations.” I'm concerned about the woman or man who comes to me with two pages because, “Really? That's it?” Those are the people that not ready to accept it, they're not ready to acknowledge it. They're not ready to expose it.

While you're writing you're going to feel like crap. There's no sexy way for me to put that. You're going to feel like crap because you're recognizing all of the junk that's in you. It's like noticing all the rotten food that's in your refrigerator. Imagine how I felt on the plane with my book, in my face. I'm doing the exercise after having written the book, and I had 9 pages, easy 9 pages.

Once you've exposed the lies in black or blue, you then use the red pen to write the truth. Now, this is where you are going to want to feel stuck. I just said, “want to.” You're going to choose to feel stuck. But you know that there's a truth because you chose that to be the lie. People say, “I don't know.” But you chose that to be the lie - so you couldn't have come up with the lie if you didn't know that there was a truth.

Now, here's the deal. You're going to write the truth even if you can't believe it yet. People know they don't want to write it until they can believe it, but that will come later. Write the truth that you know to be so. One of my lies used to be “I'm ugly. I'm unattractive.” I felt ugly for years. I mean just absolutely ugly. So I couldn't write, “I am beautiful,” that was too big a leap for me.

Instead, for years I'd say, “I am divinely designed in God's unique beauty.” Now, I can take that. Then I added once, “I don't get to look like the supermodel, but she doesn't get to look like me.”

And then one day, I did the exercise, because I've done this exercise for probably about 10 years, and that one didn't come up because I had given myself a new truth. We just try to dismantle these thoughts by saying, “I'm not ugly. I'm not stupid.” But those are all negative words. What if you gave yourself a whole new truth?

Just start going through each one, writing the truth down. Watch your energy. You get goose bumps on the back of your neck because you're recognizing the truth. Some truths you're going to be able to say, “Yup, that is the truth and why do I even think that? I know this is the truth.” Don't put on your gloves and beat yourself up, just acknowledge it.

Next, you are to read the lie then the truth every day, just take a moment, take 10 minutes, the lie, the truth, the lie, the truth, for seven days. You don't have to read all of them, just flip the page, lie-truth, lie-truth. Then on the seventh day, I want you to go in and erase all the lies leaving you with just the truth (this is why I prefer the pencil).

Now, what's going to happen is when you are 30 days out, 60 days out, and that chatter comes up again – because it will come up again? Your mind will automatically go from the lie to the truth. No linguistic program, you never trained your brain. And the reason why is that red is going to stand out more than the black, the blue or the pencil.

So you will keep having chatter, but now you have something to balance, something to nullify it.

This is a powerful exercise for Kids and teens as well. We have our teens do it, and they come back and they go, “That's amazing. I now believe all the red stuff.” I even had my son do it for the first time at the age of 8.

All he had was a page with maybe 7 things on it and he said, “Mom I think that's awesome.” “Okay. Well, now let's put the truth in.” And he was so excited writing the truth. Now, he's 16 you know, he has a different set of chatter and he goes “I know mom. Let me write the truth down.” And then one day he was writing the truth and he goes, “Why do we even have the negative stuff when we know the truth?” I was said, “Because we are human.”

So the same chatter I had 10 years ago is not the same chatter I have now. This is one of those ever green, ever growing exercises, you never outgrow. You don't do it once and you know it forever. It moves with you through life. It's that tool that's in your back pocket, and the very last thing I'll say is, “Can you write yourself a love letter?”

Write yourself a love letter. You know when your heart is expanding and all your endorphins are engaged, and you have chicken skin and your fingers are tingling when you just meet that “him”, you know that, “Oh my God!” Can you write yourself a love letter at that same level of excitement about you?

Inside the love letter, I want you to have the phrase “What I love most about you, what I value, what I admire you for and thank you for being...” Put that language in there. “What I admire you for, what I love about you most, thank you for being..., I honor you for...” and tuck it away, re-reading it periodically as if the most amazing person on the planet wrote you a love letter.